I’ve been house-sitting for Jamie for the last few days while she’s been traveling. I’ve largely been doing cat care duties, stacking up her mail, and contemplating whether I should the air conditioners out of the windows now or wait another couple of weeks in case Chicago weather goes all hot and crazy again. I’ve also been lounging around in her robe, watching cable and eating all of her food. But I cleared that with her beforehand so I think I’m still good.

It has been a little disorienting being here while she is not. I’ve done it before, mostly when I have to go to work after she needs to leave. But sleeping here without her is still a completely strange thing, and it is making me miss her a lot. I mean, I’m comforting myself with the whole lounging around and eating her food thing, so I’m okay. But it’s still made me pine for her presence more than I would have if I were not staying in her home.

I love that exhibits a level of trust so that she is comfortable with me being here while she’s gone. We’ve both written about how significant keys and what they mean to both of us. She often tells me that she wants me to feel comfortable in her home, and that she wants me to consider it my home as well.  The first time I came to her house, I nervously sat on her couch with my cup of tea while we talked. I was so self-conscious and anxious that I thought I was going to explode. And now, this morning, I sat in that same spot with a cup of coffee while casually running through my twitter feed, completely settled in that space.

Our relationship is this really massive amazing thing, and I find it wonderful in so many ways. I carried a torch for her for months before I asked her out. She claims that she had no idea I had such a thing for her, but I find it impossible to believe that she couldn’t have picked up on the embarrassing swoon I was in for her. I remember wondering in the beginning what was going to become of this relationship, and how I had to work so hard to not let my crush run ahead of me. But all of this, her place, our relationship, is part of how I construct home for myself now.

I was here when she left on her trip, and that I will be here when she returns. I’m looking forward to her coming back, and being home with me.