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Posted by Tim on September 30, 2013
Posted in: polyamory. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a comment

I’ve been house-sitting for Jamie for the last few days while she’s been traveling. I’ve largely been doing cat care duties, stacking up her mail, and contemplating whether I should the air conditioners out of the windows now or wait another couple of weeks in case Chicago weather goes all hot and crazy again. I’ve also been lounging around in her robe, watching cable and eating all of her food. But I cleared that with her beforehand so I think I’m still good.

It has been a little disorienting being here while she is not. I’ve done it before, mostly when I have to go to work after she needs to leave. But sleeping here without her is still a completely strange thing, and it is making me miss her a lot. I mean, I’m comforting myself with the whole lounging around and eating her food thing, so I’m okay. But it’s still made me pine for her presence more than I would have if I were not staying in her home.

I love that exhibits a level of trust so that she is comfortable with me being here while she’s gone. We’ve both written about how significant keys and what they mean to both of us. She often tells me that she wants me to feel comfortable in her home, and that she wants me to consider it my home as well.  The first time I came to her house, I nervously sat on her couch with my cup of tea while we talked. I was so self-conscious and anxious that I thought I was going to explode. And now, this morning, I sat in that same spot with a cup of coffee while casually running through my twitter feed, completely settled in that space.

Our relationship is this really massive amazing thing, and I find it wonderful in so many ways. I carried a torch for her for months before I asked her out. She claims that she had no idea I had such a thing for her, but I find it impossible to believe that she couldn’t have picked up on the embarrassing swoon I was in for her. I remember wondering in the beginning what was going to become of this relationship, and how I had to work so hard to not let my crush run ahead of me. But all of this, her place, our relationship, is part of how I construct home for myself now.

I was here when she left on her trip, and that I will be here when she returns. I’m looking forward to her coming back, and being home with me.

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Poly is: Taking Up Space

Posted by Tim on April 22, 2013
Posted in: polyis. Tagged: , , . Leave a comment

This is the fourth in a series of entries about the little parts of polyamory, from individual perspectives.

I’ve been feeling sort of bad about how much I’ve colonized Jamie’s house.

The first thing was a toothbrush. Which, really, I’m pretty sure that toiletries are standard in poly relationships that involve staying over somewhere. Then it evolved into a spare work shirt, so that I didn’t have to worry about wrinkling it by carrying it with me the day before. Then it was summer, so I brought over a pair of shorts. Then some slippers. Then I just kind of left a cell charger there. Then a hoodie. Pretty soon I was taking up a drawer and a little cubby spot in the closet.

But when my yarn stash started making its first little appearances at her house, that was when I knew I had to check in with her and make sure all of this was okay. Because I didn’t want her to think that I was just slowly taking over her house, one little object at a time. I didn’t want to be taking liberties.

And, like she had said before, she told me that she was happy that I had my stuff there. It reminded her that I had been there. She was happy that I felt like I was at home in her home. I love that part of our relationship too. I love that I can be a part of her life in that way, and that she feels the same.

And it isn’t just about the physical, measurable spaces that I take up in her home It is also the space that I take up in her life as well. It’s about the thoughts that we have for each other during the day, or how we make decisions around each other. I recently took her to where I grew up, and showed her all of those little places that take make up my childhood. And I’ve gone to a wedding with her, and been a part of her social life with her friends.

I know that I am special to her because of the space that she lets me hold in her life. And she is special to me because I want to make that space for her as well. I think we all take up little spaces with the people that we are involved with, and that is what makes those relationships special.

So while having so much stuff at Jamie’s house might sometimes make me worried, I know what it means for her and for me.  And I’m happy to be a part of her life like that.