This is the eleventh in a series of entries about the little parts of polyamory, from individual perspectives.

All of my relationships right now are big, multi-year, heavy commitment relationships.  I’m so grateful that these people are in my life, and I feel secure and happy with them.  Thinking about the history that we have and the love that is there makes my life so much happier than it would be otherwise.

But long term relationships can lack that same level of excitement and NRE that meeting and dating someone new brings.  Not better or worse, but just different than a new relationship.  Instead of focusing on learning about each other and being in the excitement of it all, longer relationships focus on those comfortable moments of knowing one another, and feeling bonded together.  The little differences between dopamine and oxytocin, or something like that.

I’ve been thinking about this lately, and how much I am really enjoying all of those little things that exist in these longer relationships.  Those little shortcuts in communication that come from knowing another person so well.  Knowing that the blankets on the bed are either going to be organized a certain way (or terribly disorganized in a certain way).  Having shared moments that echo through as a common reference point.  Inside jokes that don’t make sense to anyone else.  Those are very valuable to me, and when I am conscious of them it is so heartwarming to me.

it’s also those little activities that I enjoy as well.  Something as simple as grocery shopping, or trying to make a meal together.  I am not a cook by any means, and I think dinners are usually greatly improved if I take a cleaning role rather than directly interacting with the food.  But I’ve been experimenting with cooking in my relationships lately, and I’ve found a new appreciation for the time and teamwork that goes into that process.  I’m not sure that I would have opened myself up to what feels like a tiny,risky experiment if I wasn’t in the kind of relationships that feel secure.

I feel lucky and very happy to see and recognize those little things.  I know my life is so much better because of their presence.