I’ve thought a lot about compersion lately, and the abstract and concrete ways that compersion comes into my life. I want to appreciate those moments that are unique in my life because of polyamory, and especially those that are special and rewarding to me. And this got me thinking about all of those leftovers.
This is the merguez with couscous that was accidentally left in my fridge that my wife was able to have for lunch the next day. Or half a chicken left over from a night out at Crisp that is intentionally saved for my girlfriend’s husband. Or the variety of booze and cider that seems to get moved around the city for all to eventually enjoy. These little slices become indicators and tokens sometimes, and I like the way that this is a system in which I can take part.
I noticed this a few years ago, when I developed a absentminded habit of leaving behind half of my 2 Amigos burrito in my girlfriend’s fridge. I worried that her husband would see this as evidence of my presence, and it would bring up complicated feelings for him. And all it really did was give him half a burrito, which he was happy to have and happy to eat for me. That was an important lesson for me to have at the time, and it really made me feel much of comfortable in that aspect of my relationship with her and with him.
It becomes an opportunity to think about things differently, and appreciate the good things that these other relationships bring into my life. Yes, my wife and her boyfriend went out for dinner, and then he stayed over that night. But the next night I get to crack into that left over penne, knowing it’s origin and being able to appreciate that in an extra way. Or, as it became with that half of a burrito, a way to bring a different facet into my interaction with my metamour. It is nourishing, both literally and figuratively.