In an attempt to research some stuff tonight about dating and relationships statuses, I reactivated my OKCupid account for about 45 minutes tonight. And by the end of it, I was very happy to turn that account back off, for two reasons.
First, OKCupid can be a rather harsh place. I’ve written about the feelings that I had during those first two weeks I spent on that site, and how stressful it was to go through those first few motions. Not having anyone to help process the excitement and anxiety of it all. I felt a small shade of that again tonight, looking at that page again. While there was that small thrill of seeing new faces and imaging new relationships and new NRE, I was so happy that I am in lovely relationships already. I’m also happy to be in a community that I feel comfortable in, and at a place in my life where I am satisfied and energized by what I have.
Secondly, dear god my profile is an embarrassing mess. I’m not sure I even know what I was trying to say in there, other than randomly thrashing at the keyboard in hopes that something nice or witty or attractive would somehow come tumbling out. It is a monument to how different I am now than I was a year and a half ago. I am happy to see the differences, but also a bit embarrassed that I ever put a profile like that out in public.
I know that this is my story, and my stress, and my feelings. I know that there are a bunch of people out there that enjoy using that site and meeting new people and presenting that part of themselves out to the waiting masses. I don’t want to diminish the value that other people get out of being there. But I was so very, very glad to have that all turned back off again.