3 comments on “Dating Non-Polys

  1. As a relatively “new Poly” (about a year), I have to say I would hate to be eliminated because of something that is not my fault. We all have to have a beginning to everything, and I think it is the quality of the individual, rather than the length of time someone has been self-defined as Poly. I know you realize that, I just wanted to emphasize that point.

  2. I guess it’s sort of like finding a job? If you’re single or inexperienced, you’re unsafe, but if you’re already “employed”, you may be to busy for another relationship.

    I’m pretty new to poly, and I’m certainly seeing this reaction in myself towards others. I was burned by a poly person who does not yet have a track-record of healthy poly relationships, so now I’m kind of gun shy of anyone that’s new or inexperienced. Not only does this reduce the field *significantly*, but it’s also rather hypocritical, seeing as how I’m inexperienced myself.

    So which is it? Should poly newbs look for more experienced folks to show them the ropes, or just practice on each other? The jedi master/padawan set up sounds awesome to me, but Yoda seriously had to put up with a lot of shit and still got dumped!

  3. Hello Josie! Will you elaborate on what the “non-sexual Poly partners” relationship is like?

    I find it very uncomfortable when my partner becomes invested in people who do not identify with the poly culture because even if they are not dating anther person, they still affect me in my primary relationship. (This of course depends on the type of relationship and the intentions which render the relationship’s unfolding in whatever contextual safetynet is desired.) Currently I am experiencing these complications, and it is very messy (I tried to explain it here and realized it would take a awhile, alas…).

    Mainly, I have found that if someone in the relationship does not identify with the community, they probably are not acknowledging the vast arrangements that take shape within the community, and therefore consider themselves outside of it and have no responsibility to understand and communicate within the polyrelationship that they are actually in, on the many levels of relationship, specifically intimacy.

    How do other people in the community talk with their partner’s partners (poly or nonpoly) about their relationships? What experiences have y’all had with this?

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