Kate Conway (a friend-of-a-super-secret-friend) wrote this article at xojane.com last week. Admittedly, I’m a bit biased to like her writing. But I think the thing I appreciate the most from this article is some of her presumptions.
I believe the argument of women seeking sexual novelty outside of more stable relationship is covered in Sex at Dawn (although I can’t say for sure). I have certainly seen this novelty theme in some of the relationships that I’ve been in, both as a new person and as a “boring” established relationship as well. And while the idea that all women work one way is pretty crap, I’m inclined to go along with the bulk of her discussion.
But the thing that I appreciate the most was her lack of assumption that monogamy is the only route available, which is the position that the Times article she sites seems to lug around like a security blanket. I think she takes a really even approach to the way she evaluates her relationships and her expectations. So long as you completely avoid the comments section, there isn’t a peep of poly bashing anywhere on that page.
I’ve talked with my poly shaman this week about the Times article, and we agreed that the idea of medicating women so that they’re happy with monogamy doesn’t feel right at all. Kate doesn’t take it so far as we did, but she does ask people at the end if that is something they would be willing to do for the sake of monogamy.
So, what do you think? Does this make sense to you?
Caroline
Josie
karinjr15
Jamie
Tim
That’s a great article, and really touched home with me. Having been with my husband for nearly 15 years, I perfectly understand the roaming eye, I’ve had it many many times before bringing up the possibility of swinging and now venturing on into trying Poly. It hasn’t been easy, he’s had his troubles with insecurity and jealousy but I commend him on working thru those issues every day. And taking a pill to make us monogamous? Seriously, why don’t they focus on something more important like AIDS and cancer? We don’t need another damn pill to “solve” our problems.
I know that for some people, men and women alike, low libido can totally be a problem that they are struggling with. So I can appreciate that some folks might need such a pill if they consider that to be a possible solution. And more power to them for taking steps that they have thought about and worked with.
But I like that there are folks out there that are doing studies and research into how these mechanisms work, and presenting a variety of opinions on the matter. So long as there isn’t a prescriptive and biased platform for how we should create those answers, I’m happy to go along and read about it and support them.