Last night my wife got home from a date all happy. She hadn’t been out with this person in a while, and things went really well. I was happy for her, but I tried to stay out of her way.
We date really differently. I have these big relationships and big feelings. She tends to just like to date folks sometimes and hang out and have fun. I’m happy to drone on about my relationships for anyone who will listen. She tends to keep details to herself, and be rather private about her feelings and her situations. This last bit extends even to me sometimes. She tends to tell me the facts of a situation, but then not want to talk about it much otherwise. And this is okay; we talked about all of this in the beginning. Her privacy is really important to her, and I understand that, even if it means that I miss out on the compersion that I might get.
So I did ask her about her date last night, but I didn’t really ask about it in any great detail. I figured if there was something she wanted to share, she would tell me about it eventually.
About ten minutes after she got home, once I had resumed doing whatever I had done before, she sat with me and said that she felt like she wasn’t giving me something that she thought I needed. She said that maybe she was shorting me on compersion, and that she would be willing to share more if that was something that I needed.
I had worked within the boundary for so long that this brought up an interesting question for me: Is compersion something that I need? I really hadn’t thought of it as something to look for and claim, but rather something that would be nice to have if it happened.
I don’t know. What do you think? Is compersion a need for you?