There are some pretty standard books out there that get recommended around in the poly community. The Ethical Slut. Sex at Dawn. Any of the Deborah Anapol books. Opening Up, for the coupled poly folks. For some folks (like our Caroline), that can be the first introduction to non-monogamy in a practical sense. For others, it can more concretely pull together ideas that might be floating around.
I haven’t read any of them. I have them sitting in a neat little pile on my desk at home. They’ve been sitting there for nearly two years, collecting all matter of dust, and I’m starting to feel bad.
It’s not that I think I’ve got all of my shit figured out. I know that I have a lot to learn, and there are plenty of mistakes left out there for me to make. I’m sure that there are ideas and concepts in there that I could really use. And there’s a significant chance that I could have avoided a lot of problems simply by having done my background reading first, instead of trying to run off of instincts.
But, especially now, it feels like I’m spending time I’d use to read on managing my relationships. Or, at least that’s what the bullshit reasoning is in there that is keeping me from making a really concerted effort to go back and catch up.
What do you all think? Would it be worth my time?
Caroline
Josie
karinjr15
Jamie
Tim
It might be worth your time, I’ve spent a lot of mine reading everything I can on Poly on the internet. Not only is it a huge interest of mine but I’m new to it and have had some major bumps in the road along the way and reading so much has helped me understand what those bumps were and how to start smoothing them out. It all just depends on what’s going on in your life and if you feel you need to find some resources to help you out if you’re having some difficulties. If not, it certainly never hurts to be more informed incase you come across those difficulties in the future and are able to solve those quicker with less heartache.
I doubt that you’d get much out of the relationship-focused books; it sounds like you’ve got the identity and communication issues down. But I think you’d enjoy Sex at Dawn. It’s a whole other animal, one which had me completely enthralled from the beginning. Fascinating information, and very engaging writing. If it’s on your desk, turn to page 244 for the chart “Multiple Comparisons of Ape Anatomy” (and you know which anatomy they’re talking about…) and tell me you’re not going to drop everything to read this book!