Poly Chicago

This is the fourth in a series of entries about the little parts of polyamory, from individual perspectives.

I’ve been feeling sort of bad about how much I’ve colonized Jamie’s house.

The first thing was a toothbrush. Which, really, I’m pretty sure that toiletries are standard in poly relationships that involve staying over somewhere. Then it evolved into a spare work shirt, so that I didn’t have to worry about wrinkling it by carrying it with me the day before. Then it was summer, so I brought over a pair of shorts. Then some slippers. Then I just kind of left a cell charger there. Then a hoodie. Pretty soon I was taking up a drawer and a little cubby spot in the closet.

But when my yarn stash started making its first little appearances at her house, that was when I knew I had to check in with her and make sure all of this was okay. Because I didn’t want her to think that I was just slowly taking over her house, one little object at a time. I didn’t want to be taking liberties.

And, like she had said before, she told me that she was happy that I had my stuff there. It reminded her that I had been there. She was happy that I felt like I was at home in her home. I love that part of our relationship too. I love that I can be a part of her life in that way, and that she feels the same.

And it isn’t just about the physical, measurable spaces that I take up in her home It is also the space that I take up in her life as well. It’s about the thoughts that we have for each other during the day, or how we make decisions around each other. I recently took her to where I grew up, and showed her all of those little places that take make up my childhood. And I’ve gone to a wedding with her, and been a part of her social life with her friends.

I know that I am special to her because of the space that she lets me hold in her life. And she is special to me because I want to make that space for her as well. I think we all take up little spaces with the people that we are involved with, and that is what makes those relationships special.

So while having so much stuff at Jamie’s house might sometimes make me worried, I know what it means for her and for me.  And I’m happy to be a part of her life like that.