The process of understanding polyamory can be arduous. There can be a lot of new concepts and ideas dumped in without a lot of context. Learning how to work multiple relationships while trying to work multiple relationships quickly becomes a trial by fire. It can be hard to know what to look for in other relationships, what the red flags are, where the triggers lie.
My life in polyamory is lucky in many ways. My teenage relationships were with people who were willing to help me grow, even when it was difficult, even when it was a chore. When my marriage opened up, it didn’t take very long for me to find a community here in Chicago, and I ran to it with open arms. And while dating has had its tricky moments, I have been fortunate to encounter really amazing people and build genuine connections.
And when I needed to talk to someone about poly shit, I had a mentor from day one. She is not just poly. She is a poly ninja. She is an activist and an educator. And I know that I am blessed to have her in my life.
I happened to get a few hours with her when I was home last week. It was totally unexpected; we just happened to both be in the same place at the same time. And while we really didn’t have that much time to catch up, I was so glad to have what time we had.
As the previous post here had said, I’m currently having a hard time not being out to my family. I want to come out, but I want it at the right time and with the right set of circumstances for me. I told her about this, about how I wanted for things to change in so many ways. She was totally supportive and understood where I was coming from. She asked about my partners, and let me prattle on about how wonderful they have been in supporting me.
While I was telling her all of this, I noticed something that I had not noticed before. There was a part of me that wanted to show her how dedicated I was. How much I was working to communicate as openly as I could, to be vulnerable with my partners. I wanted to show her how I had learned from her. How I was worthy of her mentorship. Not that I needed to prove it to her. That’s not how it works.
But I love that my instinct is to be better when I talk to her. That I want to improve and grow. That is such a valuable gift to me.
I want to be that for other people. I want to be a source of calm and good advice and wisdom. I want to be a resource and an activist and an educator. I want to be a poly shaman.
I think we could all use that in our lives. I think we could all be that for each other.