I lovingly refer to myself as a “consent whore”. I need my partners to have their “no” be strong and direct, but I also need their “yes” to have the same strength and the same directness. I’m very strongly wired for this, and it always makes me glad to hear that I am not the only one.
I’m kind of sad that this is 2013, and the sentiment in this article could still be perceived as radical. This is a conversation that we all need to be having. But I am glad that it is here all the same. Please go read this. Please take it to heart.
A woman once told me pointedly something that has stayed with me to this day. We were kissing. Lying on the cold wood floor, my hand traveled across her stomach and she whispered, “I think we should take it slow.” I agreed immediately. Before moving in to kiss her again, I said, “Just tell me when to stop.”
This, I thought, was considerate. Respectful. Sexy. But she quickly corrected my mistake. Pulling away from me, her face took on a serious expression and the words she spoke illuminated a misunderstanding I had long nurtured, even as I knew myself to be a thoughtful feminist with much respect for other women.
In essence, what she said was, “Women are not given enough opportunities to say ‘yes.'”
Oh, I thought. Huh. What a wonderfully radical idea. But I mean, isn’t it strange that this idea is so radical? Women saying yes. It’s…
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